Going the Distance

So, I just realized (today) that as of maybe a week ago, Benson and I have been dating for over 10 years now. We've never celebrated dating anniversaries or anything, and I don't know the exact day we did start, to be honest, just that it was a few days before the Superbowl, which is a thing that I can look up. (I just remember being super giddy and seeing the Superbowl up on a screen in the student center, so I can't really get much more specific then that. Kind of random how memory works sometimes.) We've been doing the long distance thing since graduation, which means of that 10 years, 6.5+ of them have been long distance. 

So! To celebrate/brag/give support to other LDRers on this occasion, here are some date suggestions and general advice for things that we've done long distance. I don't claim uniqueness or creativity for any of these, by the way... I've definitely looked at ALL the articles online on doing stuff long distance. 

- Talk. Skype. Call. Figure out what times of day work and just schedule when you can make time for each other, and make this HIGH priority in your life, even if you are going crazy with homework or presentations or paper writing.

- DON'T talk. You have a ton of work to do? So do they? Just put Skype up in the background and work on your stuff in companionable silence where you can occasionally glance up and smile at the other person and listen to them working while they try and figure out why their code isn't working, dammit, and you wrestle with trying to find the bit in this stupid paper that is relevant to your research. It doesn't even need to be work, just hang out and browse the internet together. Leading to...

- Youtube videos, articles, and general internetness. Just, if you are doing nothing and interneting or listening to music on your own (or simultaneously on each end of the line), if you find and interesting article or video... link it or play it back and forth. You know how the "oh that reminds me of this other thing" chain goes. Similarly, things like Podcasts and audiobooks and music *CAN* be listened to at the same time over Skype. 

- Music! You can play music together and sing separately/together. Just rocking out to Bohemian Rhapsody together or putting on some Sondheim and singing along to Sweeney Todd. Benson and I have also gone another route a couple times -- he plays the violin, so he's played some jigs and reels on his end while I danced to them on this end.

-Games. Games with remote co-op like Monaco or Castle Crashers or Portal (which we often do over Steam, which has the nice chat and voice chat options). Or Vassal is a free system where you can download and remotely play many different board/card/dice games, including straight up cards. We often play cards, or games like Pandemic or Ghost Stories. We've also both just gotten our own physical decks of cards and played things like Cribbage or other games where you don't have to actually interact extensively with the discard pile and it doesn't really matter if you are playing with 2 separate decks. You can also just separately play games and recommend them to each other and discuss strategy, of course. But I'm assuming that "tell your partner about things that interest you and you think they might like" is pretty much understood in a relationship, long distance or not. Actually, it can be pretty darn fun to watch your partner play something you've already done as you wait for something awesome to pop up so you can watch their surprise and delight. (Stanley Parable, I'm looking at you. Benson literally just watched me play that game as I DEVOURED it and he kept laughing at me as I worked through it and was being boggled and bemused at different parts of the game. It was quite fun.) Online puzzle games are also an option -- we have finished all but a few levels of the NotPron online riddle, and are currently working on the Tim Tang Test. We've both worked together and separately on the puzzles. We keep the solutions as we get them in a file in Dropbox, naturally. Also, good to note that screen sharing can be quite useful for solving puzzles and things like that. 

-Many many movies and TV shows. Download the thing, Dropbox it, get on Skype and IM and count down from 5 and press play at the same time, then mute them and chat on IM about the thing as you watch. We usually have multiple TV shows that we've got in the Dropbox so that depending on our mood we can go comedy, fantasy, sci-fi, drama, etc. We keep up with a number of shows (ie Game of Thrones, Agent Carter, Hannibal, Mad Men, Doctor Who, Mushishi, etc), but also glut on old shows we're interested in (ie. Farscape, The Wire, Twilight Zone, Arrested Development). Movies are generally for weekends where we have more time, and keep those in the box as well. 

- Books and stories. You can read the same books at the same time, separately, and discuss them, of course, like Benson and I did on the Game of Thrones series. You can ALSO just take turns reading back and forth chapter by chapter, like we're currently doing with Dune. Also, short stories are great for this. I've read Benson a bunch of fairy tales before bed, and am now going through Kipling's Just So Stories for short stories. 

-Write/be creative.  As per the previous suggestion, Benson has been reading to me from Burton's Book of One Thousand and One Nights. And from that, we're working on a grand index together, summarizing the events of each story, which level of story it is (meaning, tale within a tale within a tale and which tale it is within), and where Scheherazade breaks off the story each night and which night it is. We're keeping the master file in the dropbox and splitting it up by story. I imagine this could work for other types of things, too.

- A wild and crazy blast from the past: Actually write letters. Physical letters. We've not been doing this one since Benson moved to England, but let me tell you personally, the joy of getting an actual physical letter is well worth the 49 cents it costs within the US. And you can do stuff like write in cyphers or with constricted writing that you don't tell your partner what the key or rule was and they have to figure it out themselves. Or make crosswords and word searches for each other. Or send sketches. Or puzzle pieces. Or care-packages of goodies, of course, though this is more expensive.

- Cooking. What? Yes. Cooking. We've only done this a couple times, usually on special occasions like Valentine's Day, and it takes some planning. But. Choose a recipe, and each of you buy the ingredients. Then set up your computer in your kitchen so you can Skype. Start sautéing, or chopping, or prepping each ingredient at the same time. Alternatively, you can just eat and/or drink together without syncing to quite that degree.

- Time Zones suck. But sometimes it's totally worth it to go sleep deprived for certain things if you are both eager to do the thing together. This is why Benson got up at 6am to watch the Breaking Bad finale with me while I watched it at 1am here. And yesterday we did the same thing for the premiere of Better Call Saul. And when our time zone difference was a little less dramatic we'd do stuff like watch the State of the Union together.

There are many other things you can do, of course, but this is a good selection. But I feel that making the relationship and time together a priority is the most important thing for making things work. Within that, you can be pretty creative. Keeping positive, planning out visits and things to do together in the future, also good. And for us, Dropbox and Skype are apparently the key to our relationship. Thank goodness for modern technology!

What I did on my Winter Vacation

After New Years, Benson and I went on a 8-night cruise with two friends from undergrad, Abe and Zahava (Benson's college roommate and one of mine, who are now married to each other). They had gone on a cruise for their honeymoon this past fall (they were married last July) and enjoyed it so much they wanted to go on another one, and invited us to join. Since Benson and I are both grad students, we can basically set our own schedules as far as when we take vacations, limited only by our own 'grad student guilt' to draw us back to work, writing papers and doing research. So, we got back this morning from our lovely cruise to Florida and the Bahamas.

Giant Chess!

Benson and I have been on one cruise before, the year between our graduation from undergrad and my first year of graduate school. Note that while Benson went directly from one to the other, I in fact took a 'gap year' in which I did much traveling - though I can talk about THAT in another post. That cruise was on Norwegian Cruise Lines on the Norwegian Pearl, and was the first cruise ever for either one of us, and was lots of fun. So when A&Z invited us for this one, on the Carnival Miracle, we thought it would be a lot of fun. Since this cruise left from New York, it was also a lot easier to deal with (compared to the Norwegian one which left from Fort Lauterdale, Florida). Benson still had to fly in from California, of course, but he would have had to do that anyway to visit. Naturally, the first few sea days were a bit chillier than they would have been leaving from Florida, but there was plenty on board to do on the ship, especially with a pair of friends who enjoy playing board games and card games as much as Benson and I do, if not more. There was mini-golf, pools and water slides, giant chess, various shows, trivia, cheesy dance lessons, and comedy routines; plus between us we brought the game 'Settlers of Catan', poker cards, pinocle cards, 'Magic the Gathering' cards, mahjong cards, and last but not least, '1000 blank white cards.' If you have never heard of this last game, it's OK - you don't buy these. You literally get a blank stack of index cards and make up your own game, draw your own cards, and watch how it develops over time, with the goal to just enjoy yourselves and have the most fun you can (if you actually want instructions, Google it). My closest group of friends in undergrad played this game throughout college, and by the end we had well over 1000 blank white cards (which were no longer blank, of course!). Abe has tried to widdle down the deck a bit to something more portable, since he's in charge of our now enormous deck. Its a good game for a large group of friends with lots of in-jokes and people of various drawing ability.

The Rocket Garden at Kennedy Space Center

So yes, there were plenty of things to do. In addition, we had three port days: Fort Canavral (Florida), Nassau (the Bahamas), and Freeport (the Bahamas). We didn't book any of the over-priced official ship excursions. For the first port, we took a shuttle to the Kennedy Space Center and bought our own tickets (which, including the cab, was literally half the price of the excursion which did the same thing, only with a large group). This was a lot of fun. Obviously, I like space things. The various exhibits focused more on the rockets, people, and general history of the shuttle and space program than the science behind it or gleaned from it, but it was really cool seeing everything up close. Alas, since the shuttle program has ended (SEND MORE FUNDING TO NASA), we couldn't watch any shuttle launches or anything, and as it was a foggy day we couldn't get a very clear view of the launch site, but there was a fun motion simulator ride which simulated being on a shuttle launch. Somehow I don't think we actually felt 3g's, however! But it was a really fun day.

The other two days were in the Bahamas, so we pretty much just spent them on the beach, in the ocean, and walking around town a bit. Zahava's a big swimmer (as in, she is on a swim team and does competitions) and lent Benson and I some goggles so we could all look under the lovely, clear Bahamas water at what was underneath. Mostly sand and seaweed, but we did see a few urchins, conch shells, and tiny silver fish! So we swam, lay in the sun, played cards on the beach, and walked around a bit (including having some delicious fish fry and conch salad) for the better part of two days.

Zahava and Abe, swimming in the Bahamas

However, the main thing that you do on a cruise line is eat. So Comedy Brunch with delicious eggs benedict and other goodies, with a different comedian most days, then lunch at an all-you-can-eat buffet (with ice cream machines), then afternoon tea with various desserts and snackables, then a late dinner at 8:15 (we got the late dining option) where you can order as many appetizers, entrees, and desserts as you can desire. The result of this last meal was me eating THREE lobster tails (along with some appetizers and vegetable sides) one night, simply because I could keep ordering them. Benson also ate three, and Abe was the champion eating FOUR. Similarly, one could order more than one steak, more than one shrimp cocktail, etc etc etc. Other dining highlights included frog legs, prime rib, souffle, chateaubriand, various shrimp dishes, beef carpaccio, and french onion soup. So we ate pretty well, too!

Formal Night: Benson and I

I also really enjoyed the formal nights that Carnival has: for longer cruises, on two nights you are supposed to bring 'formal' clothing to dress up really nice. So I brought my two bridesmaid dresses from this past year to wear - it was nice to have an excuse to wear them again, honestly - how often do you dress to that level of formality? Plus it is always nice to see Benson in a suit - honestly, most people look great in formal clothing, in fact, so just looking around the ship at everyone was kind of cool. On the first formal night, since I was feeling fancy, I decided to try out the ships casino, but was quite unhappy to discover that, although they had penny and quarter slots (which are about my price range for gambling), you couldn't actually PHYSICALLY stick coins into them. You had to make an account and stick your little sailing card into the machines, and any winnings or losing were automatically added or deducted to your card. This is NO FUN.

When I gamble, I go into it like I go into an arcade (I actually tend to enjoy myself more in arcades than casinos, honestly - I grew up going to arcades every summer on the Jersey shore in Wildwood!). I expect to lose any money I put forth, with the goal of enjoying myself for a bit of time and getting perhaps a little of the lost money back. But I consider it lost when I stick it in the machine (or whatever), and putting the coin in the slot, or whatever, and hearing the jangling of coins falling down is one of the pleasures of gambling. Seeing a little number balance go up and down on a screen? Not so much fun. The only game on the cruise that you could put coins into was one of those "quarter fall" games, with little pushers which maybe push quarters over the edge. So I played that for a little while until I ran out of quarters. But besides losing perhaps $3 of quarters, I otherwise didn't gamble. And if they'd had had coins operated machines, I would have. Their loss! I gambled far more on the senior trip in college at Foxwoods, when we went to a casino and I could actually put physical money down. THAT trip was great - and I actually won about $30 on poker, which I wasn't expecting. I had gone into it with the goal of losing perhaps no more than $30 anyway. However, the next week was the Belmont stakes, and, when I went with my friend Erica, I blew all $30 on various horses that didn't win (at $5 per horse - isn't my gambling crazy excessive?). So it evens out!  But I had a lot of fun both times, is the point.

Carnival Cruise ship

All in all, it was a very enjoyable cruise. Comparing it to the Norwegian Cruise Line, I tend to think Norwegian had better shows and activities on board, but there was plenty to do on Carnival and I'd be happy to go on that line again. The food on both cruises were pretty good, Norwegian had a different style for dinner, and which is preferable is a matter of choice. On Carnival, there was always all-you-can-eat-buffet open most of the time, with certain sections always open (the pizza, for example), plus a main dining hall you had a standing reservation for, with lots of changing menu options each night. On Norwegian, you also had a similar set-up with the buffet, but instead of a main restaurant, instead you had several different restaurants you could set up reservations for (all included, except a few that had, say, a $10 surcharge). Each restaurant also had changing menus, but the restaurants were themed (Italian, American, Steak, French, etc). So you had more overall variety and choice in what you ate, but couldn't try everything. I think I prefer Norwegian's set up in general, though there were nights you couldn't get reservations at the place you wanted at the time you wanted, so Carnivals standing reservations system did work well. The Comedy Brunches on Carnival were also a win. So, it depends what you want, I think. Overall, I wouldn't hesitate to recommend either cruise line.

Well loved books: The Vorkosigan Saga

As I stated in my last post, for Christmas I received an iPad mini from my Uncle Bob. Actually, in the note he sent with the iPad, he said he sent it to me for "Winterfair" - a reference to my favorite book series, one which he introduced to me to years ago: the Vorkosigan Saga by Lois McMaster Bujold. So naturally, one of the first things I want to do when receiving a bookreader (or something I'll primarily use as a bookreader) is load all my favorite books onto it. So the series of Vorkosigan books were the first ones I loaded onto the iPad. Now, I own hard copies of all of these books (in fact, I own pretty much every book that Bujold has written, either alone or in a compilation). However, due to what I think is pretty good marketing savvy on her - or her publishers - part, I also own all the e-books for this series as well, for the various omnibuses. One of the latest books in the series, Cryoburn, came with a disk which included ALL the Vorksigan e-books. It also included a note that basically boils down to this: "We want you to enjoy these books so that you will buy them. We want you to recommend these to your friends, and lend them to your friends, so that THEY will buy them. Go nuts." So, basically, I can hook up my friends and family with this series extremely easily, and without misgivings; and in exchange maybe I'll hook someone else on the series and they, too, will go out and buy all of her books.

I'm not JUST going to use the iPad mini as a book reader, of course; I've already downloaded a number  useful applications for myself, in addition to the iBook and the Kindle apps. For example, on the astronomy front, I've got the fantastic app Star Walk, which allows you to point your screen in any direction and see exactly what stars, planets, and constellations are up. I've also got a number of travel/map apps, including Exit Strategy, which gives you not only subway and bus maps of NYC, but also tells you WHERE TO STAND and what car to get into for the subway, depending on what stop you get off at. So you can get in the car which will be right by the exit or the transfer point! And of course, plenty of games, like Bastion (AMAZING game, though better on the computer than the iPad, buy the computer game first and the app second), Mahjong (REAL mahjong, not matching mahjong), various puzzles, and so on and so fifth. But I suspect the bulk of time I spend using this device will be reading books.


Anyways, my mother also got a book reader for Christmas, a Kindle, and she's very excited by this, since it will make it a lot easier for her to read in general and carry books around with her. She's been vaguely interested in trying the Vorkosigan books for some time, since she knows I love them, but it's been getting difficult for her to hold heavy books and turn pages. So last week, while she and my dad were up in NYC for a day after Christmas, I loaded all of of my Vorkosigan ebooks onto her Kindle, as well! And because I have strong opinions on this series, I wrote up a bit of background and description about it for her, as well as a recommendation of where to start, etc. And then, of course, I decided I wanted to expand on it even further, for a general audience, and thus, this blog post was born.

The Vorkosigan Saga is a series of science fiction books, taking place perhaps 1000 years in the future or so. However, the bulk of the stories are more about the people than the technology - or, if technology is an issue, it's more about how those technologies affect people and planets. For example, one futuristic piece of technology is the 'uterine replicator' - basically, allows people to skip the whole "being pregnant" thing, and just directly cook up your kid in the lab. As a bonus, you can therefore also make sure said kid is free of genetic defects, or choose the gender, or whatever. It also makes bio-engineering a lot more feasible. The planet Barrayer (from which Miles, the protagonist, hails) in fact has a bit of a problem with gender statistics, since when gender selecting came about, everyone started having lots of boys. Another of the books (Ethan of Athos) is about a man from a planet which doesn't have any women at all, since they aren't really necessary to the process anymore, except for the preliminary genetic material. The book Cryoburn looks more into cryogenics - freezing people when they're near death in hopes that a cure will come along eventually to extend their live. But again, its more about the people involved than the technology itself, and people remain people no matter what technology is available.

The bulk of these books focus on Miles Vorkosigan, the crippled heir of an extremely politically important aristocratic family on the planet Barrayer. Barrayer is very militarized, and historically has treated those who are physically different horrendously. However, Miles is extremely intelligent (and a bit hyper), and has an extreme need to prove himself. Over the course of the books, he becomes a successful mercenary commander which is in the employ of his government, running secret missions around the Nexus (the various planetary systems which make up the Vorkosigan universe) which the government doesn't want traced back to them. However, this means that the bulk of his achievements are classified. Which means back on Barrayer, he's largely seen as having some token military job because of nepotism. The books follow him throughout is life, from starting out in Military school (Young Miles) to his later life - the last book chronologically occurs when he's in his late 30s (Cryoburn). Some of the books are from other perspectives: Cordelia's Honor is from the perspective of his mother, for example, before Miles is born.

The books have been published both individually and in omnibuses - in general, I have the omnibuses of the books, and that's the way that all the e-books are collected as well. Therefore, in my overview below, I've listed the omnibuses in the order such that the bulk of the stories are in internal chronological order. However, this is not the published order  - Bujold wrote them a bit scattered over the timeline, though they're actually QUITE internally consistant! In general, you don't really NEED to read them chronologically, since the earliest books aren't required for understanding, and each book stands pretty well on its own. I would read the books in each omnibus in the general order presented, however. For the new reader, I'd say that once you've read a couple which sound interesting to you, then to go back and read them chronologically.

Personally, if you want to see if you are interested in the series, I would recommend starting with the short story The Mountains of Morning (in Young Miles). This will give you some perspective on the culture of Barrayar, and why Miles being damaged is such a cultural problem for him. I would also recommend Cetegania (in Miles, Mystery and Meyhem) as a good place to start, it gives an idea of what Miles' personality is like - plus, it's a nice little mystery. This was, in fact, the first book that I read in the Vorkosigan series! The other two books in the omnibus with Cetegania (Miles, Mystery and Meyhem) are also fun and give you a good picture of the Nexus and Mile's mercenaries. From there on, reading in chronological order is generally best, but not strictly required. You SHOULD read each omnibus in the order presented.

BUT.  

This series is basically broken in half - before and after the book Memory. You should read all the Miles books before Memory before you read Memory. You should read all the books AFTER Memory after you read Memory. 

Additionally, the 6th omnibus (Miles, Mutants, and Microbes) contains a story (Falling Free) which takes place, chronologically, 200 years before any of the other stories in the book. Read it whenever you like, it's a nice story, but largely irrelevant to the story-at-large. It also contains a repeat story (Labyrinth), which chronologically belongs in the first omnibus in which it's listed (Miles, Mystery and Meyhem). The final story is a new Miles story (Diplomatic Immunity), and belongs in the location it's listed, after Winterfaire Gifts and before Captain Vorpatril's Alliance!

You can find free snippets of Bujolds' various books and stories on her website, here. They used to have the story "Mountains of Mourning" up there for free, but that link currently seems to be broken.
Bujold has two other series, both fantasy instead of Science fiction: the Challion books and the Sharing Knife books. These are both ALSO very good, but Vorkosigan remains the top in my eyes. The Challion books is more action driven, whereas Sharing Knife is more of a romance. But both are fun fantasy books which I would also recommend. Worth taking a look at the snippets, at least!

So, here are the collections of Vorkosigan books and omnibuses, with brief descriptions:

0)  Cordelia's Honor (contains 2 books)

• Shards of Honor: Miles' parents meet and fall in love during a war, on which they're on opposing sides.
• Barrayer: Miles' mother is pregnant (with Miles), during a political upheaval.

1)  Young Miles  (contains 2 books and one short story):  the books here tend to be a bit more military based than some of the later books, with smuggling and internal politics. It is also partly a coming of age type thing as Miles finds a place for himself in his (very militarized) society as someone who is ... damaged.

• The Warrior's Apprentice: The FIRST Miles book: Miles meets the mercenaries
• Mountains of Morning (short): A short murder mystery, taking place in a local district on Barrayer
• The Vor Game: Miles gets his first official mission and promptly gets into trouble.

2)  Miles, Mystery and Meyhem (contains 2 books and one short): these books are more mystery based, trying to figure out what's going on with various mysterious situations. These are the books I started off with, and all three are a LOT of fun.

• Cetegania: Miles is on a diplomatic mission to another planet which has historically been an enemy of Barrayar.
• Ethan of Athos: This book is NOT about Miles, but focuses instead on a doctor who gets mixed up with some business which Mile's mercenaries are also involved with. You won't see Miles, but you will see his second in command, Eli Quinn.
• Labyrinth (short): Back to Miles, a short mission which spawns from the previous book, a rescue.

3)  Miles Errant (contains 2 books and one short): These books are great, but intense.

• Borders of Infinity (Short): Miles infiltrates a POW camp.
• Brother in Arms: Miles and his mercenaries take refuge on Earth after the fall out of the previous mission.
• Mirror Dance: Various fallouts from previous books catches up with Miles and his family. 

4)  Memory (contains 1 book): "Miles hits 30. 30 hits back."

     This book really cuts the series in half. Before this and after this are two very separate stages in Miles life. Therefore, I would HIGHLY recommend reading books before this, before this, and the books after this, after this.

      

5)  Miles in Love  (contains 2 books and one short)

• Komarr: Miles, in his new job, investigates an apparent accident on the planet of Komarr. And meets a woman. (more political/investigative, less romance)
• A Civil Campaign: Miles attempts to court a lady while keeping this a secret from her. In addition, there is political fallout from the previous book's investigation. Romance! And lots of humor! 
• Winterfaire Gifts (short): Miles' wedding (from the perspective of one of Mile's guards).

6*)  Miles, Mutants, and Microbes  (contains 2 shorts and one book)

• Falling Free (short): This story takes place 200 years before the rest, and focuses on a race of bioengeneered people called "Quaddies." However, this is by no means required to understand the rest of the series, it will only really provide understanding to Diplomatic Immunity (also in omnibus 6), so I'd just recommend reading it before that!
• Labyrinth (short): This is the same story as in Miles, Mystery and Meyhem - they just published it in this collection as well, since it also involves a Quaddie.
• Diplomatic Immunity: Miles travels to Quaddie-space in order to sort out a tense situation with the Quaddies. This story chronologically follows "Winterfaire Gifts"

      

7)  Captain Vorpatril's Alliance (contains 1 book): Focusing on Miles' cousin Ivan, this is his romance. Ivan meets a damsel in distress, and partakes to help her. (Quite funny).

8)  Cryoburn (contains 1 book): Miles travels to the planet Kibou-daini, which specializes in cryogenics, and promptly stumbles into a number of tangled conspiracies.